i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
