Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
