She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
