oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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