The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
