no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You made out with two different species that night
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize