I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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