Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
