i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
