They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
