i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I think my moral compass just broke
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