sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
