you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
