I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
