my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
last night I used snow as a chaser
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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