When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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