Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
