i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I think my fart just growled at me.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
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