this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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