no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
