i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
you inspire me to be a worse person
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
