I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
