Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
