he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
she looked like the before picture.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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