I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
