I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
