Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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