dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
