At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
