Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
being pregnant is like rehab
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
