You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
