the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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