I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
