It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
