p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
