I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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