My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
