Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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