it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
