Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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