Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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