ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize