It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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