I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
