party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize