my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
