This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
