there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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