I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
don't judge my taste in strippers
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
