I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
