During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
