That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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