Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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