Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
