we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
