she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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