I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
