ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
