party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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