Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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