I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
