I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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