I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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