Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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