yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
