oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
