This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
