I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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