are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
